Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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