I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
