Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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