We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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