Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
