my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
