you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
