I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
