I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
