It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
