I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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