Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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