What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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