i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
