Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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