I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize