remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
