her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
