based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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