My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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