Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
