Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
