You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Found the puke drawer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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