he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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