my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
