Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
