Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
