She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
