Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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