i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
