would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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