And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
