i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
