I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize