I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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