i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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