Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
