Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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