): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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