I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize