they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
