I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize