yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
