I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
