is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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