Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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