My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
