Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just threw up on my dentist
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
