we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
