its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
