a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize