remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sober January is a disaster.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
