This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
