i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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