I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My penis needs a shock collar
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
