guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize