I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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