I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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