im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize