OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
