i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
