Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
