Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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