So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Rumble strips road head = magical
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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