You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
