you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
