**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
