There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
