Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
