My nipple is on Facebook.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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