It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize