I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
