her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
