Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
