My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just tell him i said nine months
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
