we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize