she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize