I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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