he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
