he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
