I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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