The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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