I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
