Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
