yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
