@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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