I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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