smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
