Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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