you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
