apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
