There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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