definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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