Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
