The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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