Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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