my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
