remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
