Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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