Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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