you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
