What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
