I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
