Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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