ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
that's an acceptable place to lick
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
