And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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