you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
