yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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