i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
