Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
